There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
