if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
