he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize