I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
