I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
