He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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