he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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