so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
