just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize