Who wears a wallet chain?!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
