i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
