This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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