Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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