i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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