Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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