he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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