There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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