I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!