before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises