So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible