Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.