oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
