that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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