How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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