I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
