Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
