No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
