At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
