I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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