You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
