Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
