I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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