Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
