You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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