grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
