youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
