Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
