As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
