My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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