This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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