listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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