Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
