"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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