I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
