All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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