I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
sick fucks of a feather flock together
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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