TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
