my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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