the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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