I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
