ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
