every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
