At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
