due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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