4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
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i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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