bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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