hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
