U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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