We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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