At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
