I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
