I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
