no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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