i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize