Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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