awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
