there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
