I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
