I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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