the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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