i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
did i just pee glitter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize