you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
