OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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