Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize