dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
